Accurate as a German!

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By Rasha Almaqaleh

There are hundreds of articles all over the internet about Germany and the German people. Some of these articles have titles such as “10 things you need to know before moving to Germany”, or ‘20 things you need to know about Germans’. And if the writer is really annoyed with Germans, and with the readers, the title could be something like: ‘50 things you need to know about Germans’. Even though the things you need to know about Germans cannot be narrowed down to a few points, even if they are 50 , I believe there is only one thing that you absolutely MUST know about Germans if you are to live in Germany, especially in the northern parts: they never leave things open to interpretation or speculation, on all levels: officially and socially.

When it comes to machine use instructions, this tendency to make things as clear as possible is really helpful. Try to buy a cup of coffee from the newest model of vending coffee machines which has many functions that offers a variety of coffee styles, and you will know what I mean. If you know some basic German, you can manage without asking anyone for help as the instructions are listed fully and distinctly. The same thing goes for subway ticket machines, supermarket self-checkout machines, the self-burrowing and returning machines in the libraries, and all the machines that exist on German territory.

However, on the social level, this attribute of making things clear as daylight which leaves no room for speculations or confusion isn’t at all times advantageous. It could be sometimes a very difficult thing to handle. As a foreigner, you need to learn how to survive this exhausting ‘quality’ which doesn’t allow even the tiniest, the silliest and the most trivial details pass.

For example, if you work with Germans,  remember that it’s always safer to say goodbye ( Tchüss)  to your colleagues at the end of your working day. Never ever use “see you tomorrow”  (bis morgen) as a group salutation, unless you know for SURE that everyone is going to be in the office tomorrow. Otherwise, get ready to hear some  serious clarification from the colleagues who aren’t going to be there tomorrow, even the co-workers who you don't actually share any workload with.  

Mostly, they will explain to you why they are not going to be in the office tomorrow and when they're coming back.  You may feel lost and confused and you’ll ask yourself "why does this have anything to do with me?” But remember, you are the one who started it by being unbearably inaccurate. Germans, by doing so, only mean to be decent and professional. 

However, this German hard-to-keep-up-with quality doesn’t only apply to workplace. It is something that exists on all levels and in all aspects of life in the country. For example, if you would like to wish a German person a happy Advent (schöne Adventszeit) , make sure that you’re not going to meet them again until after Christmas. If you tell someone happy Advent , say on the 3^th of December, while you are supposed to meet with them on the 15^th, they will assume that you’re not coming for the date!

And if you happen to clean your windows around Christmas time, everyone in the neighborhood will assume that it is Christmas cleaning (Weihnachtsputz), even if they know you’re a Muslim or a buddist and you don’t actually celebrate Christmas. So basically  any cleaning that takes place around Christmas, it has to do with celebrating Christmas. There can't be any other reason, say the windows are dirty and you have days off and nothing else to do. 

Another situation that shows how unnecessarily accurate a German can be is when they have an overwhelming urge to give accurate information in a very casual small talk. For example, you chat with  two Germans in a party or on the street and one of them asks you about something, say "when does your German course finish?" and you answer broadly : "in July." If the other German person knows when exactly your course comes to an end, he or she will burst out 'explaining' : " on the 10th of July!" 

Moreover, you need to be fully prepared to handle Germans's reaction when you say or do something that violets the German code of accuracy. I like to call that reaction on their faces ‘the German freezing mode’. This is the reaction which a German person typically gives when they are processing something that is not accurately said or done; they freeze up for a moment, their eyes slightly wide in astonishment, and they seem distracted and absent minded.

This mode normally takes just a couple of seconds and with time you’ll be very good at recognizing it and it’ll serve as a good indication that something you said or did wasn’t right. If the mode takes a longer time, that means the frozen up German is fighting a strong urge to address your lack of accuracy and would like to correct you, but most probably they find it inappropriate. This happens mostly in quick encounters, where there isn’t much time for elaboration. 

If you would like to see a German going into a freezing mode, try to wish a German parent whose kids go to school happy school holidays (it’s the holidays around Christmas which typically take two weeks). The parent would be frozen up for a moment because they don’t expect something like this. You are supposed to say happy school holidays ( schöne Ferien ) to the pupils and not to their parents. The parents expect you to say happy hollydays  (shcöne Feirtage) only before, or during, the public holidays of Christmas, which are normally the 24^th, 25^th, and 26^th of December. 

But if you don’t know a German with kids in school, that’s OK. All you have to do is invite a German person to your place and serve them some green tea in a coffee cup. And voila, enjoy the expression!

This tendency to be accurate is what makes planning a number-one priority for Germans. They like so much to plan things ahead.(Maybe a bit too much!) It is crucial for them to know exactly what they are going to do every minute of every hour of the day for five years ahead, at least. Otherwise, they would feel that life is a total mess.

If you come from a culture of ‘surprise and improvise’, like myself, where the best thing one can do to fit in is to be as spontaneous as possible, the German culture will be quite a shock, especially at the beginning. Then, with time, it’s either you learn how to cope with it or it just drives you crazy. 

All in all, I believe it’s important for anyone who would like to move to Germany to understand the way most Germans think in order to be able to properly communicate. On the flip side, wouldn't life be more fun if there is some room for speculation, interpretation and confusion?  Not everything in life should be clear as crystal. After all life is not a legal contract that must be written with unambiguous terms. Being spontaneous and stepping off the track now and then is what makes life enjoyable, to the fullest.