in Islam!

By Anis Albasha

Photo from Pixabay

In one of the Islamic websites, I came across a question by a Muslim woman who reached out for a consultation. The woman has been married for 17 years and she has 4 children. All of a sudden, her husband told her that he wanted to get a second wife. The wife couldn’t believe what she heard, nor could she accept this hurtful desire by her husband. However, the Muslim theologian who answered her said that, if her husband insisted, then she had to be patient and she shouldn’t argue but rather she had to try to win him over! This kind of consultation may sound provocative for non-Muslims, but it is expected in Muslim societies where polygamy is allowed.

Though polygamy is often associated with the Islamic doctrine, this ancient tradition has been practiced by cultures from all over the world. The question is: What is the basis of polygamy in Islam? And is it practiced in Muslim societies according to that basis?

First of all, it is a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. In fact, the real term that describes the case in which a man has more than one wife at a time is “Polygyny”. On the other hand, when a woman has more than one husband at one time, this is called “polyandry”. So, polygyny and polyandry are two forms of polygamy. However, the term polygamy is widely used to describe the marriage of one man to multiple women probably because polygyny is more common than polyandry.

Surprising as it may be, the history of polygamy dates back to a long time ago. Some anthropologists believe that polygamy has been the norm through human history. For instance, the biblical King Solomon is said to have had 300 wives, along with 700 concubines. According to the Jewish Encyclopedia ‘While there is no evidence of a polyandrous state in primitive Jewish society, polygamy seems to have been a well-established institution, dating from the most ancient times and extending to comparatively modern days’. During the Protestant Reformation, Martin Luther said, “I confess for my part that if a man wishes to marry two or more wives, I cannot forbid him for it does not contradict the Scripture.” 

More recently, I have read that Mormon populations in North America practiced polygamy until the 1890s, when the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints officially abandoned its doctrines on the matter. In 1998, the University of Wisconsin surveyed more than a thousand societies. Of these just 186 were monogamous. In his official visit to the UK in 2010, the former president of South Africa Jacob Zuma was criticized by the British press for being married to three women. But the Zulu ethnic group, of which Mr. Zuma is part, practices polygamy.

Therefore, polygamy – or polygyny for more accuracy- is not an Islamic invention or tradition.  However, it is practiced in many Muslim societies. In fact, Muslim women in general would not accept having a co-wife, but they cannot stand against the practicing of polygyny. Despite the fact that the vast majority of Muslim men are monogamous, most Muslims, even those who are still single, would vigorously defend polygyny! 

This fanatic defense is based on the belief that polygyny is permitted in Islam. Unfortunately, this belief is backed by most traditional Muslim theologians who look at polygyny as a privilege granted to men. We saw an example of that in the answer of the Muslim theologian to the woman who complained about her husband’s wish to marry another woman. In his unreasonable reply, that theologian told the woman “remember that your husband does not want to have a second wife because there is something wrong with you, rather it’s just his desire to do so. And there is not much we can do to control that. At the end of the day, you will be rewarded for your patience.”

So, whether Muslim women agree or disagree with it, as they were told and in order to get God’s reward, they have to accept polygyny and they shouldn’t complain about it.  This concept has been instilling in the minds of Muslim women since an early age. That's why many Muslim women accept polygyny as a fact no one has the right to stand against it since it is a 'divine' privilege granted by God to men. This might sound surprising, but the justifications provided by Muslims who support polygyny have no real ground in Islam! In fact, like many other issues, Muslims' masculine collective approach has played a major role in the misinterpretation of this concept.     

One of the most famous arguments provided by polygyny devotees is that having another wife would be a fair option when the first wife gets seriously ill and wouldn’t be able to take care of her husband or her family. The second argument that justifies polygyny is when the wife is sterile and her husband wants to have kids as a basic right for any ‘human’! So, according to polygyny promoters, it would be much better for the wives in those scenarios to stay married and to be protected and supported rather than getting a divorce!

Such arguments are actually based on a racist masculine perspective which believes in the superiority of the male sex and looks at the female sex as a merely subordinate and inferior creature. If someone asks those who provide such arguments, what would the scenario be if the husband was the one who gets ill or was the one who is sterile? Polygyny backers would immediately answer by saying that in this case, the wife should be patient and she would be rewarded by God in the hereafter!

In one of the Islamic websites, I read a question by a Muslim woman who asked for a consultation. The woman had been married for 17 years and she has 4 children (so she is not ill, nor is she sterile). But her husband told her that he wanted to get a second wife and she couldn’t accept that hurtful wish by him. She couldn’t even believe that he thought about that. For me, the woman was absolutely right and her husband was totally wrong.  But the Muslim preacher who answered her has a different opinion. He said that, if her husband insisted, then she had to be patient and she shouldn’t argue but she had to try to win him over! He also advised the woman by saying the following “remember that he does not want to have a second wife because there is something wrong with you, rather it’s just his desire to do so. And there is not much we can do to control that. At the end of the day, you will be rewarded for your patience.”

To be honest, though that answer really provoked me, it didn’t actually surprise me. These kinds of consultations in many Islamic websites do not consider the feelings and the emotions of the hurting wives. Most responses in such cases deal with women as they were subservient creatures who had come into existence solely for the purpose of amusing the husbands and breeding the children. In other words, whatever men want, women should be patient and they shouldn’t complain because they will be rewarded in the Hereafter!

But away from this ‘masculine’ way of thinking, what is the real Islamic perspective regarding this issue? Well, first of all, marriage as a sacred union which takes place only between a man and a woman is highly encouraged and promoted in dozens of verses in the Quran. Among the 6236 verses of the Quran; there is only one verse that talks about the issue of polygyny: 
((You shall hand over to the orphans their wealth. Exchange not the good for the bad (in your management thereof) nor absorb their wealth into your own wealth. For this is indeed a great injustice. And if you fear that you will not be just in dealing with the orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you - you may marry two, three, or four, but if you fear that you will not do justice, then only one or that your right hands possess. This is more proper that you may not do injustice))

This one verse was misinterpreted by most Muslim traditional theologians. For unknown reasons, the very obvious condition which was underlined before giving the permission to go ahead and marry more than a woman, has been neglected. Anyone reads the above mentioned verses can easily notice that the permissible polygyny has a clear connection with the “orphans”. In other words, Quran does not give Muslims carte blanch to marry more than one woman for sexual pleasure or for any other reason that is not pertinent to the orphans. On the contrary, the Quranic norm is monogamy and polygyny is allowed only in one certain exceptionable circumstance with strictly enforceable condition for doing justice to orphans.

That is to say, if there is a widow and there is someone who wants to help her raising her children, this person can then marry her. But this person should be already married. The sentence ‘you may marry two’ implies that there is already a first wife. More important, that person MUST deal fairly with his children from his first wife and the children or the orphans of the widow he intends to marry. The verses lay down strict condition for treating ‘all children’ fairly as the verse says: ‘And if you fear that you will not be just in dealing with the orphans’. Otherwise, if there is a fear that those orphans are not going to be treated fairly, those who want to marry widows in order to help them should be content with one wife. So, Polygyny is permitted in Quran with strict proviso for fair and equal treatment as well as cautioning against any injustice towards the children who are the cornerstone of the whole issue of polygyny.    

We have to know that polygyny is not permitted in Islam to please men but to address a demographic social situation which may occur from time to time. People may agree or disagree with this approach, but we have to remember that during wars, the number of widows is increased. The prevailing tone of these verses was the wars that left huge numbers of widows and orphans. Besides, the fear of ‘injustice’ is stressed twice in the context of these verses which puts a stress on the moral side of polygyny. It indicates that polygyny should be strictly regulated and the decision of taking a widow as a second or a third wife should not be left entirely to individual desires even if those desires are motivated by noble intentions. 

As for the fact that Prophet Mohamed, peace be upon him had more than one wife. First, for the first 50 years of his life, Prophet Muhammad was in a monogamous marriage and had only one wife who was older than him. He only had multiple wives during the last 12 years of his life. Second, all of the marriages in that later period of the Prophet life, with the exception of Ayesha, were to women who were old widowed or divorced. The multiple marriages of Prophet Mohammed were for human and social reasons not for his own pleasure as a man. 

To conclude, though many people link it to Islam, polygyny is not a practice established by the doctrine of Islam. In Islam, monogamy is the rule while polygyny is an exception which is allowed under strict conditions only to address a social situation. Today, there is no need for polygyny; especially in the modern welfare societies where the state can take good care of its citizens, especially the vulnerable segments in the society or  those who need financial or social need. In other words, Polygyny was permitted in Quran for a noble purpose but it has been misinterpreted and distorted by those who look at everything from a selfish masculine perspective which try to use the religion to justify the unjustifiable.