kissing in public: spontaneity or provocation?

 By Anis Albasha

 When I was in Italy, I’ve noticed many times that some couples, while making out in public, they swiftly scan the area around them to see if there’s someone looking. And in case they catch someone staring at them, they obviously become more excited and they start kissing feverishly. I know that showing affection in public is a common behavior in Western societies. But what I didn’t know is that it is not always a spontaneous act. When I asked my Italian friends about this phenomenon, they told me that public kissing was not always about being truly in love. Lately, it has become an obvious way of bragging. According to my friends, many lovers who publically make out, especially young ones, have a message they want to convey; “we are not lonely. We are in love.” And by doing this, they think they can make other people feel jealous and pathetic!

We know that in the Islamic culture, it’s not acceptable to show affection in public. So, how do Muslims who live in western societies deal with such displays? Actually, reactions vary from one person to another. While most Muslims completely ignore this kind of behavior, some try to leave the place as quickly as possible. Others try to distract their children using some nervous moves which I personally consider foolish and it makes things worse. For example, some parents may use their hands to cover their children’s eyes. This is an overreaction that leaves those innocent children scared and unaware of the whole situation. Another example of these overreactions is saying a religious phrase when seeing two persons kissing. I remember the time I was on a train in Copenhagen. A man and a woman started to make out in front of all the passengers. Then, I heard one of the passengers shouting and repeating – in Arabic- this phrase “there is no power and no strength save in Allah”! This religious phrase is so common and is used when a Muslim sees horrible things or faces big troubles! It gets funnier because the more the ‘shocked’ passenger repeated this phrase, the more noise those lovers made while kissing!

Those Muslims who live in western societies should know that there are huge differences between the oriental and the occidental cultures. Denying this fact would not make it easier for them to be integrated into European societies or to be part of them. We have to accept and acknowledge these differences. However, we should know that accepting a difference does not necessarily mean practicing it! It is stated clearly in the Holy Quran that “To you be your way, and to me mine.” 109:6. In other words, Europeans are free to behave according to their culture and to live their lives the way they choose. And we don’t have to imitate them in order to be integrated. Additionally, it is so ridiculous for anyone to exert a single effort trying to change these habits and/or to impose different ones. As long as Muslims live in Western societies, they should not feel provoked by such cultural differences and they also needn’t choose to confront. Everyone has the right to maintain their own beliefs and their own identity. Hence, the rule is simple; we respect others’ choices and we want our choices to be respected in return.  

On the other hand, I witnessed some incidents where some lovers only kiss just to irritate Muslims and to make them feel uncomfortable. For example, I remember one time when I was in the park, there was a boy and a girl sitting close to me. They were both busy playing with their smart phones.  Suddenly, when a veiled woman along with her husband and two kids walked in, the boy swooped down on the girl and started kissing her. He was kissing the girl and watching the Muslim family at the same time! The funny thing was when the girl was trying to push him away, asking him to knock it off because she was tired and not in the mood! He kept doing it anyway.

In the final analysis, we have to keep in mind that differences do exist. Each society has its own culture, traditions and habits which have accumulated and developed through hundreds of years. Besides, we have to remember that coexistence is a ‘game that needs two players.’ So, next time you want to make out in public, make sure you do it spontaneously and not to irritate anybody.