My story with Qat - Part three

Anis Albasha

When I was a teenager, my father asked me to travel hundreds of kilometers to his village in order to give condolences to some relatives on behalf of him. Even though I was so proud that my father could count on me like that in such a serious social event, I was very concerned about how to handle the Qat chewing which is an essential part of such gatherings. Then, I foolishly thought that I could simply stay there for a short time and then leave earlier and avoid being tortured by setting with Qat chewers for long hours. Unfortunately, the place was full of senior tribesmen from our village and from the neighboring villages who wanted to honor me by putting a pile of the best type of Qat in front of me! They insisted that I would not be allowed to leave unless I chew that honor!

According to people’s mores in the rural areas, rejecting that heap of Qat could be taken as an insult. Lecturing them about my 'unwavering commitment' towards Qat chewing would be considered ‘offensive and arrogant attitude’. Since it was the first time for me to represent my father in a social occasion like that, I didn’t want to screw it up. Therefore, the only solution that came up to my terrified mind was to tell the people that I wished I could fulfill that honor but I was suffering from a severe pain in my teeth and gums so I wouldn't be able to enjoy chewing. Luckily, it was a good shot because in Yemen, bad teeth and gums are two clear signs of professional chewing and perhaps that's explained the acceptance of those tribesmen to my apology!  However, they insisted that I should take that pile of Qat with me so I could enjoy it later when feeling much better.

After that incident, Qat and I went on a truce for a while until my father passed away. My worst experience with Qat took place in that period because many people came from different areas, including our village, to give their condolences. To illustrate their love and respect, those comforters brought with them huge quantities of Qat and for 10 consecutive days they kept coming and gathering in my grandfather's house. Those were the longest ten days in my life ever! People would gather, have lunch and then chew Qat for long hours each day. There was no way out as my younger brother and I had to be there to receive the comforters and sit with them, especially those who came from remote areas to show their sincere sympathy. In fact, I would have highly appreciated their feelings if they hadn’t been associated with Qat. Yet, in a moment of weakness I did wonder if chewing Qat would appease the massive grief I felt because of losing my dad when I was 18 years old.

Even after those ten grieving days, I stayed involuntarily in touch with that hideous plant because I had to attend my grandfather's daily Qat sessions. I definitely didn't chew but I had to endure its annoying atmosphere for a couple of months because, after the death of my father, there were some pending issues regarding our heritage that required me to be in touch with my grandfather.

Not only are Qat gatherings about socializing and casual conversations but also during those sessions people discuss business and finalize some deals and issues. Therefore, I had to figure out a way that enabled me to attend those daily meetings. It is said that there are three ways to deal with difference: domination, compromise and integration. Since domination is beyond my capacity as an individual while integration means simply chewing Qat, I had to go with the compromising option. I decided to join chewers in their Qat gatherings, but without chewing Qat.  

Well, it wasn’t a good idea! Each time I joined chewers, I couldn’t cope with the whole atmosphere around me and I was like a wet blanket. For example, I wasn't able to take part in the conversations about the quality of the Qat they were chewing, or when they made comparisons between the different types of that dreadful plant.

I was also completely out of tune when chewers went through the fluctuating and escalating stages of Qat's ecstasy. Based on my observations, chewers look normal at the beginning and they tend to be chatty during the first hours. It varies from one person to another, but usually after three or four hours of chewing, chewers enter what they called “the Solomon Hour” which is considered as the peak of ecstasy. It is the stage when chewers sink in the delusions of finding perfect solutions for all of their troubles and feel that everything is fine or is going to be just fine. After that, the anticlimax moment arrives and chewers turned to the silent mood and make a lot of staring into the void.      

To be honest, there were some good moments of cultural and political discussions during those gatherings, but it was difficult for me to deal seriously with a person who talked to me about politics or literature while his cheeks were stuffed with green leaves and his teeth are stained with algae color. I remember one time I was in a Qat gathering and there was an interesting discussion about Darwin’s and his theory of evolution. Actually, I couldn’t stay focused with the topic because I was distracted with those teeth spotted with the green color.  That ugly view along with the leaves and bundles of Qat scattered in the room made me look at Darwin’s theory from another perspective!

  

Ironically enough, the only thing I was able to share successfully with Qat chewers was their post-chewing psychological symptoms which -in my opinion- can be contagious! After spitting Qat, chewers feel desperate and murk, it doesn’t matter if you think that there is nothing to be upset at because if you sit next to a chewer who just spitted Qat out of his mouth, he is going to give you hard times. Unfortunately, you can’t escape and you have to listen to his grief and complaining and gradually you find yourself being dragged to that hell and you started to feel that everything is really bad and unbearable!    

Thus, I came to realize that this kind of compromising is not going to work and I classified Qat as a natural repellent of me which means that whenever there is Qat, there should be no me. As a result, I strongly involved more and more in reading and books have become my sincere friends which do not ask for any kind of compromising and instead, they swap my time for fun and joy.

For several years later, I haven't been in touch with Qat except in some scattered social occasions here or there like when I had to pay a condolence or to attend a wedding or just passed by a Qat market. The actual interaction with Qat was in my younger brother's wedding when a big hall was reserved for men to celebrate and congratulate the groom. True to form, there were huge quantities of Qat and almost everybody chewed Qat except me, the groom, my youngest brother and two American friends I invited to the wedding. The funny thing was that those two foreign friends had already an idea about Qat because they tried it during their visit to Yemen. Though it was full of Qat, that gathering for my brother was so interesting and everybody enjoyed it.  

Another serious interaction with Qat was at the time of my engagement. In that precious occasion, I was hoping not to see a single leaf of Qat. This thinking didn't sound irrational because I knew that neither my father in law nor I were a Qat chewer. However, my relatives who accompanied me in this occasion told me that I had to buy expensive kind of Qat and take it with me to the house of my father in law. I told them that I didn't like their 'leafy' proposal and my father in law was not a chewer, but they insisted that it would be so inappropriate if we went to such important occasion with Qat- empty hands. They lectured me about the Yemeni traditions and the history of Qat and how it plays a major role in such occasions. I reluctantly agreed, I bought Qat and brought it with me but as I expected my father in law wasn't interested in that at all and he didn't put a single leaf in his mouth unlike the others who were so focusing on Qat during our gathering. It looked like the idea of bringing Qat was only important for the people who attended such occasions since they couldn't sit in a room for more than two hours in the afternoon without chewing Qat!

The next part will be the last one of my story with Qat in which I am going to talk about the last interactions between me and Qat before I left Yemen and also about a dream that I had about Qat which never came true. 

In Germany, Keep it quiet,clean and formal!

By Rasha Almaqaleh

One of the best things about being overseas is that you get an astounding chance to examine by yourself the credibility of some stereotypes. Before moving to Germany, we were a bit worried because we’ve heard a lot about the German people and unfortunately most of it was not comforting; we’ve heard that Germans are strict, hardhearted, overly nationalistic, etc. And for people like us, who come from a country which is at war and where there is no way back and not much of a choice, those stereotypes were a bit scary. However, after living in Germany for over a year, some of those stereotypes seem really funny and in some cases are far from reality. So, what are Germans like?  Here are  some of the observations we made about the German culture and lifestyle, SO FAR!

Yes, many Germans speak English !

A while ago, I was talking in the phone with my brother who lives in Yemen. He asked me about the German language and how I mange every day. I told him that German is indeed a difficult language but luckily most Germans speak English and that’s how I manage most of the time.  He was taken aback and he answered in a clearly shocked voice: “WHAT?! Germans speak English? They don’t mind?”  He was in total disbelief and the reason behind his reaction was the famous stereotype in my country about Germans: ‘Germans are nationalistic. Therefore, they only speak their native language with foreigners who don’t know German. And even if Germans know English, they won’t speak it!’

Well, you may wonder now : “what’s the point of learning a foreign language if you intend not to use it, ever?”As a matter of fact, it’s not only that this stereotype is absolutely wrong but it’s quite the opposite; many Germans speak English well and they don’t mind communicating in English with someone who cannot speak German.
Generally, Germans start studying English in primary school and they may also learn other foreign languages in high school such as French or Latin. 

Moreover, many Germans don’t mind giving their children foreign names: French, Swedish, Danish, Turkish,  Arabic, etc! There’s a German girl in my son’s group in kindergarten whose name is Jamila, which is an Arabic name. When we asked her mother about it, she said that they came across the name somewhere and they liked it and they knew it was Arabic!

Always use your indoor voice, indoors and outdoors!

Germans are generally very self-conscious especially when they are outdoors. They don’t speak loudly and they are always keen to use indoor voice. You can rarely hear them shout or yell. I don’t remember hearing a German calling someone’s name loudly in the street! While this happens A LOT in Yemen and also in Italy where there’s always someone calling someone else’s name out loud, in Germany this is not the case, because Germans are not vocal or loud speakers. So, if you are going to live in Germany, modify your volume and start training yourself to use your indoor voice, indoors and outdoors.

‘möchten’ is always safer than ‘wollen’!

Germans are very polite people. They use courteous language even when talking to family and friends. They ALWAYS use polite words such as ‘Bitte’ , ‘Dankeschön’, ‘Darf  Ich…?’,  ‘Einen schönen Tag noch’, and  most importantly ‘möchten’ which is sometimes translated into ‘would like’. If you want to say that you want to go home, you better say ‘ ich möchte nach House gehen’. it is more polite than saying ‘ich will nach House gehen’, which indicates being sort of demanding, commanding and authoritative . That’s why it’s sometimes OK for younger children to use the word ‘wollen’; you know how children can be very demanding! So, Adults are not expected to express themselves casually not even with a spouse or a close friend.  In Germany, it’s always about being polite and impolite. 

‘Hallo’ in stores and ‘Guten Tag’ in public offices!

 If you get on the bus, the bus driver usually will greet you with ‘hallo’. If you enter any shop, the shop assistants will smile at you and say “Hallo”! If you go to the cash register in the supermarket to pay for your purchases, the cashier will always greet you with a smile and a hallo. But if you go to the town hall (Rathaus) or to the migration office then you are going to hear a formal greeting which is : ‘Guten Tag’. So, never use informal greetings in public offices!

Passionate recyclers!

 Not only are Germans able to sort out waste properly but also they are passionate about it. They are very aware of the importance of recycling and their commitment and enthusiasm are what makes it work. In Italy for example, there is a recycling system too but Italians, especially in Rome, are very reluctant. Most of them don't sort their garbage and they are not involved at all in the recycling process. They justify their behavior by claiming that recycling in Italy is just another Mafia's business. 

But in Germany, recycling is a big deal and the whole complicated recycling process could be baffling for newcomers; there are different colorful bins and each color is for a specific type of waste. There's also a waste collecting schedule for each area. At the beginning of our stay, it was really overwhelming to sort out waste properly and to keep track of the timing. Fortunately, this gets better with time! 

‘Coffee and cake’ NOT at the coffee table!

 It is common here in Germany to get invited in the afternoon, especially in the weekend, for ‘Kaffee und kuchen’ around 4 O’clock. It’s a social tradition where people get together to catch up over a cup of coffee and some cake. What I really didn’t expect was to drink coffee and eat a piece of cake at the dining table! At the beginning, it sounded way too formal and a bit weird to sit at the dining table in the afternoon just to have a cup of coffee and a piece of cake. For me, I prefer to have coffee and cake at the coffee table in the living room, where it’s more comfortable and causal. But then with time I realized that this was the German way. They don’t mean to be formal or make you feel less comfortable. It’s just how they do it.

In Germany, there is something for everything!

I remember one time we were hanging out with a German family at their place and when my son got hungry,  the lady boiled an egg for him. To my surprise, she placed the egg on a container which was similar to the egg's size and shape. It was then when i saw an egg cup for the first time in my life! Germans don’t eat boiled eggs off regular plates. Instead, they place them on particular cups designed only for holding eggs. 

  I also found out later that there was another piece used to serve boiled eggs and it’s called ‘egg warmer’! It is used to cover the boiled egg in order to keep it warm, in case you are not going to eat it immediately! Or as a German teacher justified: “ On Sunday morning for example when you boil eggs for the kids but they don’t wake up early for breakfast!” 

Special equipment for boiling eggs we found in the store

Another funny fact about Germans and boiled eggs is that they never use a metal spoon when eating boiled eggs. Instead, they use a plastic spoon! "The reason behind that is  the egg doesn't taste delicious whit a metal spoon!" a German friend informed me! 

So, here in Germany, you have to get used to the fact that there is always something for everything. Never go spontaneous. It doesn’t work well here.  For example, if you want to go for a picnic, please make sure to take a ‘picnic blanket’. Don’t just take any random blanket because you would end up being ‘secretly’ laughed at by Germans!

          

  
'Nur Bares ist Wahres' (Cash is king!)

During our stay in Sweden, we noticed that credit cards are widely used and cash money almost disappeared in the day- to-day transactions. And each time we made a purchase with cash, we would feel a bit embarrassed and old-fashioned. That’s why when we first moved to Germany, we expected to encounter the same fashionable payment system, especially since Germany is well-known as a wealthy 'first-world' country that has made great achievements in science and technology and its economy is one of the greatest economies of the world. But to our surprise, we found out that Germans prefer to pay in cash and the use of cards is very limited! When we ask Germans about it, they say that they aren’t fond of cards and that cash is their number-one choice.  They rationalize that this way they can keep track of  their money and control how much they spend.  For that reason, ‘cash is king’ in Germany!  

How well do you know….?

This was the title of the second unit of Level- A1 book of the first German class in school. The topic was about knowing people abroad (im Ausland) and ‘how well you know them’. To my surprise, there were only three choices to answer that question:  not good ( nicht gut), good (gut), and  very good (sehr gut).The word ‘friends’ was not included in the choices, therefore I assumed that the phrase  ‘know someone very well’ probably means being friends with them. But when I asked a couple of Germans about it, they said “No, not necessarily!’ If a German says that they know someone very well, it doesn’t actually mean that they’re friends or close to them. Apparently, this is a unique German skill with which you can get to know people very well without being intimate or close to them. Honestly speaking, I really don’t know how that works! What I understand is that when one knows someone else very well, that means they have to be close to each other in a way or another. Otherwise, how on earth would they get to know each other VERY WELL? 

Another thing is a quiz I did on one of the ‘Learn-German’ websites. There was a number of questions in English and they were translated into German. oddly, whenever there was the word ‘friend’ in the English text, it was translated in German into ‘Bekannte’, which literally means ‘acquaintance’ and not a friend !

 Even though Germans are nice ,well-mannered, and welcoming, they are very careful, and sensitive, when it comes to the word ‘friend’. They prefer to keep distance and it takes them a long time, longer than usual, to call someone a friend!

  Overall, Germans are a bit, or a lot, reserved and self-disciplined. However, they are not as pictured sometimes in media and movies; 'rough insensitive creatures.' On the contrary, they are nice, polite, supportive and cooperative. They are not ‘overly patriotic as some people in my country think.  As a matter of fact, they are ‘culturally curious’ and they want to know more about people who come from overseas. They love to attend intercultural events and they don’t mind learning foreign languages. And I totally understand their passion because I personally find knowing different cultures and observing various lifestyles fascinating!